Two and a Half Years Old

It's true...we now have a 2 1/2-year-old daughter! She's going to be in kindergarten before we know it, but since she's still our "baby" I don't like thinking about that. There are so many things that we love about this girl, and we feel so blessed to have her in our family. With the challenges we've faced the last several months trying to add to our family, it makes us more and more grateful for her each day. I honestly don't know how I would have coped if I didn't have her to hug, kiss, and cuddle all the time. Currently, one of her favorite songs is a church song called "Families Can Be Together Forever." The first time I heard her sing it all by herself, I couldn't help but smile and tear up a bit. Just like I tell her every day, I am the luckiest mom because she is my daughter and always will be. It's moments like this that make all the difficult times worth it.

An Early Gift

A couple of months ago, the inexpensive set of cookware I'd had since before Nate and I were married started to fall apart. Handles were starting to come apart and the non-stick surfaces weren't very non-stick anymore. Nate was ready to go right out and buy a new set for me, but I assured him that I could make do until Mother's Day. Being the great husband that he is, I got to open and use my gift just a few days early. And here they are:
Consumer Reports gave this set an awesome rating, and the price for this 15-piece set was great too. Happy early Mother's Day to me! And for the record, Nate washed all of them for me after pulling them out of the box so I didn't have to. :)

Easter

Now that it's the end of April, I guess I should stop being such a lazy blogger and post about our Easter weekend (April 5-6).

My sister Jill and her family came to visit for the week, although we didn't a chance to see them until Friday. Friday we just hung out at Jessica and Matt's apartment. Bridget was thrilled to have someone to play with, although it took Charlotte some time to warm up to her. Elaine and Bridget were fast friends and pretty cute together.

Saturday we did most of the Easter festivities since Jill and her family left to go home Sunday morning. Luckily, it wasn't snowing or raining and just a little chilly, so it didn't stop us from having an Easter egg hunt in the backyard.

Here's the three girls sporting their matching princess hoodies just prior to the hunt:

Most of the eggs were just hidden in the grass, but she did need help with a few of the harder ones.
After the hunt, we decided we needed a sisters picture. Too bad Amy and Emily couldn't be there to complete it. I never realized what a giant I was until after this picture was taken. I'm not sure if I'm just a giant or they're just all short. :)
Bridget and I are sporting some of the fun stuff she got in a special Easter basket uncles Matt and Rob put together for her.
We loved spending the day with so many family members. And we're looking forward to seeing everybody again in a few weeks.

Ring Around the Rosie

Since I never did get around to posting pictures of our new bedroom furniture in our bedroom this video serves two purposes: 1) A look at a some of the furniture in our bedroom and 2) How cute Bridget it with her teddy bear while singing one of her favorite songs. Have I mentioned before how much she loves this teddy bear? She carries him around in her left arm all day long and goes everywhere with her.

Test Results

My test results are all finally in, and they are all NEGATIVE. This is good news because it means that there doesn't appear to be anything specifically wrong with me. On the other hand, it also doesn't give us any answers about what went wrong this time. I know that miscarriages are not uncommon, and I seem to have just been really unlucky twice in a row. I'm feeling a little more hopeful now that maybe this won't happen the next time, but I'm also very terrified that it will.

The last 3 weeks have been very difficult for me emotionally. There's not an hour that goes by that I don't think my losses, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't cry about it. I know it will just take some time to heal, and I'm trying to be patient.

I'm scheduled for a follow-up exam next week, and I'm looking forward to talking to my doctor to find out what the next step is for us and hopefully get some of my many questions answered.

Surgery and Recovery

Yesterday morning I went into my doctor's office for another quick ultrasound just so she could check where everything was at and make sure that the D&C was still the best option, and it was. She also informed me that she would start a full workup to try and find an answer for us. It will take about a week to get the lab reports back, and they may not even reveal anything. I asked what we do at point and she said we pretty much just throw everything at it but the kitchen sink. Hopefully some treatment will give us the healthy pregnancy we're waiting for.

So surgery was on for 4:30, but thankfully they were running ahead of schedule so the hospital called to see if I could come in earlier. I was in surgery by 3:30, out by 4:00, and woke up about 20 minutes later. The last thing I remember in the operating room was the anesthesiologist putting something in my IV that made my hand feel like it was burning so bad I wanted to scream, "Cut my hand off!" But luckily I fell asleep before I could get the words out. I'm so glad that I had general anesthesia though because it was nice to just wake up and know it was all taken care of. What I wasn't prepared for was the flood of emotion that came when I woke up. I hadn't focused on the loss part since the first couple of days after we got the bad news because I was so focused on trying to figure out what was wrong with my body. But as I was laying there all loopy and barely able to speak, the tears came flooding out with the realization that I was no longer pregnant. My second failed pregnancy in a row was over and done.

After the surgery, my doctor went out to the waiting room to let Nate know how things went. She admitted that after seeing what she saw internally and what she removed, she still has no clue what went wrong with this pregnancy. Definitely not what I was hoping to hear.

When I got moved to the second recovery room after I woke up, I was able to see Nate again. He took great care of me over the next hour and a half helping me sip water and giving me crackers. I was so starving and thirsty that water and graham crackers never tasted so good.

I feel very fortunate that I had such great nurses and doctors every step of the way yesterday. It definitely helped make the experience a little less miserable. And Nate took great care of me as usual. It was also comforting to know what is done with the fetal tissue they remove. I'm not sure how it works at all hospitals, but at this one fetal tissue is given to a local mortuary to cremate and then be put in a vault in special garden at one of the local cemeteries. That was very touching to me.

We left the hospital by 6:15 yesterday, and then I spent the rest of the evening just taking it easy. Compared to recovering from a c-section, this has been a breeze. Some slight discomfort and pain that was easily taken care of by pain pills, and 24 hours later I'm actually feeling pretty normal - at least physically. Emotionally, I feel like I'm doing better than I expected. That may change after I get my lab results next week, but until then I'll try to pretend that my life is normal again.

Update

Just as I expected, the results of my 2nd blood test revealed that my HcG levels have dropped confirming this is not a viable pregnancy. Unfortunately, the O.R. was swamped yesterday so I couldn't get on the surgical schedule until Monday afternoon. Assuming I don't miscarry over the weekend, I'm going in to my doctor's office first thing Monday morning for another ultrasound so she can see where I'm at, and then my D&C will happen at 4:3o that afternoon. It's an outpatient procedure, so I'll be home as soon a I'm out of recovery. I'm not sure how long that will take since I'll be under general anesthesia. But from what I've been told it's not a difficult physical recovery - just emotional.

Bad News...Again

I've been debating quite a bit about whether or not to blog about this, and obviously I decided to go ahead with it. Although this is something personal that our family is dealing with, I'm tired of feeling like I have to hide it. I also think that writing about it with help me deal with all of the thoughts, emotions, etc. that I have.

For several months now many people have asked when we're going to have another child or told us that Bridget is so cute we should have another one. Although comments like that are meant to be harmless, it's actually made what we're going through more difficult. Trust me, we desperately want to have more children but are having issues making that happen.

I had a miscarriage in October that took forever to be resolved and was very devastating to us. I know lots of women have a least one miscarriage during their child-bearing years, so after working through all the emotions and getting over the whole physical aspect of it, I tried to be more optimistic.

To say that I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant again about 3 months later would be an understatement. Being pregnant again greatly helped to lift my spirits, but I tried to keep from being too excited about it until after my first doctor's appointment because I wanted to know that everything was okay first.

That appointment was just 2 days ago. I was so nervous waiting for the doctor to come in to do the ultrasound, and she could see it on my face when she walked in, so she got right to it. As soon as I saw the monitor I knew that my biggest fear was happening again. But this time it was worse. Normally a uterus looks black and the fetus and everything else around the uterus is white. My uterus was solid white. She couldn't see anything and said that my uterus was full of guck or junk or some word like that. She told me it was probably a molar pregnancy but she'd have to check my HcG levels with a blood test first to confirm. If it was a molar pregnancy than my HcG levels would be sky high - probably over 100,000. And because my uterus is full of something and there was no sign of an embryo, I'd need to have a D and C to have everything cleaned out. The pathology report from the D and C will also give us a better idea what is going on and how to treat it.

When I called yesterday to get the results of my blood test and schedule the D and C, I was thrown a bit of a curve ball. My HcG levels were only 9700 - which means it's not a molar pregnancy. So now I have no idea what is going on with my body. The doctor didn't want to schedule a D and C until she has confirmation that it's not a viable pregnancy, so I had to go in to have my blood drawn again today to check my HcG levels again. I'll find out the results tomorrow and then go from there. The chance of this not ending in a D and C is slim to none, and I'm quite anxious to have it over and done with so that we can hopefully get some answers from the pathology reports.

In addition to dealing with a loss again, I now have several added fears. Cancer is definitely one of them. The strong possibility of continuing to have more fertility issues including more miscarriages is another. But the one that scares me the most is the possibility of not being able to have any more children at all. Bridget desperately needs a sibling to play with and would be such a great big sister. It breaks my heart that we don't seem to be able to give that to her.

I know that there's a reason I'm going through all this heartache, and I can't wait to figure out what it is someday. One thing I've definitely learned is that I can't plan every aspect of my life as much as I'd like to. Another thing I've learned is what an amazing blessing a healthy pregnancy is. I will admit that I hated all of the discomforts that I had when I was pregnant with Bridget. Right now I would give anything to have them again.

I am so grateful that I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter. All of this has certainly increased my love and appreciation for them. I'm also grateful for wonderful friends and family that have offered to help us in any way that they can.

27

Today Bridget is 27-months-old on the 27th! Since I thought that was kind of cool, I decided to write a little bit about her and the things she likes to do. One of her favorite activities is playing with Play-Doh. Sometimes we get the Play-Doh out multiple times a day which means I get to sweep the little remnants off the floor multiple times a day too. I'll be glad when it's warmer and this activity can be done outside.
Her current obsession is Curious George. In fact, she would probably watch it all day long if we would let her. At least it's educational and she's actually learned quite a bit from it. Should I be concerned that half of her conversations involve explaining the plot of a "George" episode? It also gives her an opportunity to work on her negotiating skills (which are quite good already). If I tell her she can watch one George she will always ask to watch two.

Recently she's taken a big interest in the Disney Princesses as well. She hasn't seen all the movies yet, but she loves Ariel and Sleeping Beauty.

She loves anything to do with music - dancing, singing, playing the piano, etc. If I sit down at the piano, she has to sit with me on the bench and pick out songs to sing with me. I'm amazed at how many songs she already knows all the words to.

She's recently learned all of the basic colors and loves to identify them whenever she sees them. She will often point to something and ask what color it is which really means she just wants one of us to ask her what color it is so she can tell us herself.

She's been able to count to 14 for a couple of months now and sings her ABCs well, although she only recognizes a handful of letters by sight - W, A, B, O, and K.

One of the things that amazes me is how good she is at recognizing store logos. She knows Target, Walmart, Costco, Lowes, Harmons (the grocery store we shop at), McDonald's, and Great Harvest Bread even if she just sees the logo printed on a tiny piece of paper. There's a slight disclaimer I must make though. She doesn't actually know the name of McDonald's. If she sees the logo or we drive by one, she just calls it the yucky food place. I'd prefer to keep it that way too and see no problem passing my prejudices on to my daughter. She also doesn't know the name of Great Harvest, but calls it the "cinnamon roll store" when she sees that logo because she's been there with Nate a couple of times to get cinnamon rolls.

She's an extremely affectionate girl always full of hugs, kisses, and "I love yous." If I pretend to act sad she'll say, "I'll give you a hug." And my favorite thing is the random and unprompted "I love you, Mommy" or "I love you, Daddy" she says multiple times a day. If she's leaving the room one of us is in, she'll walk away and then quietly say to herself, "Say I love you Mommy." Then she'll come running back and say it to me. Nothing brightens my day more, and I never get tired of hearing it.

We love our little girl so much, and are so grateful for the joys as well as the challenges she brings into our lives every day.

Trip to St. George

I've been such a terrible blogger lately. I guess I feel like our lives are uneventful and even when they are, we usually forget to take pictures. And we all know that a blog without pictures is lame.
Anyway, over Valentine's Day/President's Day weekend we had the opportunity to go on a quick trip to St. George for Nate's Grandma's wedding. We did remember to take our camera, but we didn't remember to actually take any pictures while we were there.

After we got there Friday night, we met up with Nate's sister Alysha and her husband Adam for dinner and then went back to their house afterward. Nothing too exciting after that except for visiting in Nate's parents' hotel room while Bridget was asleep in ours.

On Saturday, we got ready and then headed over to another hotel where the wedding took place. It must admit that attending the wedding of an older couple like this was new for me and a little different from all the other weddings I've been to. After the ceremony and luncheon we had the rest of the day to spend with Nate's family. Alysha and Adam volunteered to watch Bridget while she napped so we could go with the rest of the group to the Parade of Homes that was going on that day. Nate and I only had time to go to a couple of homes before we needed to break off from the group to run some errands. One of the two homes we went to was listed at $3.5 million, and it was fun to walk through such an extravagant home.

On Sunday, we stopped at my sister Jessica and brother-in-law Matt's apartment on our drive home to celebrate Matt's birthday. Dinner was delicious along with the birthday pie & cake. You can tell from this picture that Bridget especially loved the pie. I'm not quite sure why, but lately she always squints when she smiles (I think she thinks it makes her smile bigger).
And after stuffing ourselves with all that food, we decorated heart-shaped sugar cookies. Thanks, Matt, for letting us spend your birthday with you!

Funny Bridget quote of the week:
I was trying to get Bridget to lay down on the floor so I could change her diaper and told her that she needed to cooperate because she smelled like poopy diaper. As she's lying there, she says, "Mommy, you smell like candy." I laughed and said that was good because candy smells good and a lot better than a poopy diaper. It was also random because anytime you ask her what something smells like her reply is always, "Pumpkin."

Conversation with Bridget

Like most kids her age, Bridget is constantly making us smile and laugh with the funny things she says and does. Here's an example:

Today as we were leaving my classroom to go home she stops and points to some small graffiti some high school kid wrote on the wall nearby and asks her typical question, "Uh oh. What happened?" I explained that one of the kids wrote and the wall and that it was naughty to do that. She responded by saying, "Kids naughty. Go in time-out?" I laughed and said, "Yes, they should go in time-out for doing naughty things like that."

Becoming Grown-Ups

Last week, Nate and I finally decided on our Christmas present to each other. We only got each other a couple of little things to open on Christmas because we decided we'd rather get something bigger that we could both enjoy. After agreeing on bedroom furniture, we set out of find something we both liked. Such a major decision couldn't be made quickly, so we didn't actually decide and order something until a couple of days after Christmas. And here's what should be arriving at our house sometime in February: We both love Craftsman/Mission style furniture, and I fell in love with this bed. We're also getting the nightstand (better picture below). We're not getting either of the dressers pictured here, but instead the dresser below.

We opted not to get the mirror, and I'll admit I don't love the hardware but I loved the bed and couldn't find anything else I liked better. Maybe someday we'll swap out the hardware for something I like better.

And we're getting 2 of these nightstands.

So now we feel like real grown-ups; no more mismatched hand-me-down bedroom furniture for us (well, at least after it's delivered)!

Honestly, these pictures just don't do the furniture justice; it's so much prettier in person. I'll be sure to post more pictures after it actually arrives.

So Excited to See Santa

I'm a little late in posting this because we forgot our camera at Nate's family Christmas party, so we had to wait for his cousin to send us the ones she took.

Bridget was actually very excited to see Santa this year and not one bit afraid of him like most 2-year-olds. I asked her several times before hand what she was going to tell Santa she wanted for Christmas, so he was very prepared to tell him she wanted a bike. In fact, she was so excited to tell them that she could hardly wait for her turn and kept running up to him while the other kids were on his lap.

Once it was her turn, you can tell from the first photo, that she was still a little unsure about this, but within seconds she was all smiles, especially when he gave her a present (two Curious George books).

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day

Our original plan for Christmas was to go to Phoenix and spend it with my sister Jill and her family, but with plane tickets being more than we wanted to spend, driving was the better option for getting there. We knew that Bridget wouldn't be able to do that long of a drive in one day, so we would have had to split it into two days there and two days back. Ultimately we decided that Nate didn't have enough time off from work to make it worth the drive, so we ended up staying here and celebrating as our little family of three.

On Christmas Eve I fixed the traditional turkey dinner complete with green bean casserole, home made rolls, and sweet potatoes.

Amazingly, Santa did make it to our house that night considering Bridget decided to be very naughty all day on Christmas Eve. She's normally very happy, obedient, and helpful, so it made for a rough day. When I told her I might have to call Santa and tell him not to come because she was being so naughty, she didn't seem to care.

So here's a snippet from Christmas morning:

And here's just a few of the other gifts she received:

Disney Princess hoodie

Sesame Street CD player and song book

This bike is just a little too big for her at the moment, but she still manages to scoot around on it, and will probably be able to reach the pedals by spring.

She loves this tea set and all of the noises and songs it makes. She's served me lots of tea, and we've heard all the songs so many times already that I think we all have them memorized.

Her naughty streak continued throughout Christmas Day with multiple tantrums and time out sessions, so it wasn't quite the pleasant Christmas I imagined it to be. It also didn't help that Nate woke up with a pretty severe migraine. Luckily, she seems to be back to more of her normal self today. I'd like to just blame it on the molar she's been getting the last few days because it's certainly made her crabby and affected her sleep. At least she loves all of the fun toys, and we'll just have to hope things go better next year.

Winter Wonderland

This morning Bridget finally had her first chance to put on all of her snow garb and go play in the snow while Nate shoveled the driveway. Not that this is our first snowfall of the season by any means; it's just the first time she's been able to play in it since I finally finished purchasing all of the necessary items just yesterday. She loved it, but she only lasted about 15-20 minutes before she was ready to come inside. It's just too bad this snow was a little too dry for making a snowman, but I'm sure we'll still have plenty of opportunities for that this winter.

Bridget's 2nd Birthday

The birthday cake - carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and decorated with two of her favorite things...Sesame Street and M&Ms.I tried to upload the video of her blowing out her candles but it wouldn't upload, so here's a picture. If you want to see the video, it's on Facebook.Her favorite present from Mom & Dad - a doll that drinks a bottle, laughs, and cries. She loves babies and pretending to be a mommy.
In case you're wondering why she's wearing 3 different outifits in these birthday pictures, it's because she got to celebrate for 3 days (Thanksgiving day with the family that was here, her actual birthday with us, and Saturday with more family).Up until recently, Bridget didn't really enjoy coloring. Now that one of her favorite activities so the crayons and giant coloring book from her great grandma were a hit. Even Grandma and Grandpa had to get in on the action.

We wanted to do something special with Bridget on her birthday, so we took her to the Treehouse Children's Museum. She certainly loved running around exploring everything, and didn't want to leave when it was time.

Here's her 2 year stats from the doctor's appointment:

Height: 36 inches (94th percentile)

Weight: 33 pounds (96th percentile)

Head: 20 inches (99th percentile)

And Bridget is finally pacifier free! For weeks beforehand we prepped her by telling her that it had to go away when she turned two. And on the night of her birthday when took it away she had a total meltdown to the point that it was almost breaking my heart to do it. After several minutes of her crying in her bed, I cut the pacifier and took it into her to show her that it was ruined and see if she still wanted it. She was devasted and kept saying, "Mommy fix it. Sewing stuff." or "Daddy fix it." She's seen me fix her stuffed animals with my sewing stuff and assumed that I could fix the pacifier that way too. When other things are broken around the house and Nate has to fix them, I always tell her that Daddy has to fix it. The amazing thing was that I told her to stop crying so I could talk to her, and she did. Then I told her she had 2 choices. She could either stop crying and go to sleep so she could wake up happy or cry in her bed all night. And it worked. She chose to go to bed without crying. So it was a much easier transition than we were expecting, and she now sleeps much better and consistently through the night.

Halloween 2009

This little chef wanted to wish everyone a happy Halloween!

I'm so glad I decided to make Bridget's Halloween costume this year because she makes the cutest chef ever! When I was trying to decide what she should dress up as, nothing seemed more appropriate because this girl loves to help me in the kitchen.

Feeling Like Fall

I really can't believe how fast the leaves changed this year and that one of our four ginormous trees is almost done losing its leaves already. For the next several weeks I'll get to spend a good chunk of my time cleaning them up, but at least Bridget doesn't mind because she thinks running through my piles and throwing them in the air is loads of fun. In fact, she was having so much fun that I couldn't get her to look at the camera long enough to snap a good picture, so here's the best I could do. What a difference a year makes! Last year she spent most of her time crawling through the leaves because she was just starting to learn to walk, and now she's running through them and all over the yard.

I should also mention that Nate got me a blower/mulcher thing for my birthday to help make my job easier, but after trying to use it the other day I've decided I might just stick with a good old-fashioned rake. The thing is so heavy and awkward to use plus I burned a hole in the bag when I got it too close to the motor (nothing a little duct tape can't fix).

The End of Confinement

This past week, Bridget decided to work on her skills as an escape artist and figure out how to climb out of her crib. We knew this day would come, but I was hoping it would be later rather than sooner. In fact, I was hoping she would at least be 2 before she figured it out. So last night we converted her crib into a toddler bed complete with a safety rail. She thinks it's pretty great, and was standing at her door saying, "Mommy" while she waited for someone to come get her this morning. Last night she slept better than she has most nights this week, so hopefully this will be a good change. It also makes us realize yet again that she is now a little girl and no longer a baby.

Miss Independent

Yes, that's Bridget pretending to talk to someone on Nate's cell phone. She certainly thinks she's grown up these days. In fact, as we left the house this afternoon, she had her purse on her shoulder and her keys in her hand so she could be just like Mommy. And every time we go to get in the car she says, "self" meaning that she wants to climb into the car and into her carseat herself. She's getting to the point where she wants to do many things by herself so "self" is something we hear mutiple times a day every day. I must admit that I actually love watching her gain more independence since overall it makes our lives easier, but it also makes me realize that she's definitely a little girl now and no longer a baby. In that respect, it's a good thing she's finally bottle free as of the last couple of weeks!!